What does LOVE mean?

Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it.
Touching words from the mouth of babes.
What does Love mean?
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

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"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

Rebecca- age 8

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"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."

Billy - age 4

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"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

Karl - age 5

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"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

Chrissy - age 6

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"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Terri - age 4

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"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make ! sure the taste is OK."

Danny - age 7

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"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"

Emily - age 8

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"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

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"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"

Nikka - age 6

(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

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"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

Noelle - age 7

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"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

Tommy - age 6

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"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."

Cindy - age 8

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"My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."

Clare - age 6

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"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."

Elaine-age 5

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"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."

Chris - age 7

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"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day"

Mary Ann - age 4

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"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."

Lauren - age 4

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"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7

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"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."

Mark - age 6

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"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Jessica - age 8

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And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

"Nothing, I just helped him cry"

Sick of being just a FRIEND?

If yes, read on to know why you end up being justa buddy and what you can do to be more


When you are attracted to a man or woman and want to be in a relationship with him or her, the worst thing that could happen is if you have to hear the dreaded words "let's be friends" from him or her. It is an awful situation when you are attracted to someone and all he or she feels for you is strictly platonic emotions. Therefore, to avoid being labelled the "friend," you need to make certain from the very beginning that you don't do anything to fall into that category. Read on to find out if you are already in the friend zone, why you might have been put into that zone and how to avoid such a situation.

Signs you're only a friend

Men and women usually find it very easy to talk to a friend about pretty much anything, with a friend it's ok to be yourself and feel comfortable. But before jumping to conclusions and thinking that the person you are attracted to is so open with you because he or she likes you — watch out! You might be mistaken. You should know that you are already in the friend zone if:
He or she tells you all about their problems with members of the opposite sex
He or she asks you for advice about the people they are attracted to.
He or she tells you excitedly, "I just met this really great guy or girl!"

The reasons

The following are a few reasons why you have been bracketed into the friend category:

NO ATTRACTION

Yes, the person you are attracted to might think you're great company and genuinely like being with you, but that does not mean he or she wants a relationship with you. One reason might be because he or she is not attracted to you sexually. If this is the case, there is not much you can do about it. Different things turn on different people, so if there is no attraction to begin with, you could just appreciate having a good friend and move on.

DIFFERENT PRIORITIES

People have a type and each individual looks for something in their partner that would compliment them. Another reason why someone might like you a lot but only as a friend is because you are probably just not his or her type. Don't take this personally thinking there is something wrong with you. It just means he or she is looking for something that maybe you can't give them. Just find someone who wants the same things as you and will like what you have to offer.

YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN A DOORMAT

He or she has given you friend status because you're way too nice, too accommodating and too agreeable but only because you want to win him or her over — and they see through it. You try to impress too much. So if you want to win over the man or woman you like, don't try too hard, it might turn them off.

Avoiding the situation

If you haven't yet been given the friend tag, here are a few tips on how to avoid getting into that situation:

PLAY HARD TO GET

Stop acting like his or her puppy dog and don't be so available. Don't get together with him or her at the drop of a hat. Wait a day or two to return one of their phone calls. Be a challenge, not a doormat.

OTHER MEN AND WOMEN

The best way to get someone you like is to date other people. This may not always work but if he or she is even remotely attracted to you, it might convince him or her to date you, even if it is out if jealously. At least you will get that one date to win him or her over.

ASK FOR ADVICE

Openly talk about other men and women and how hot they are. Ask him or her for advice about how you can get close to these men and women. If he or she likes you, they might just tell you what they want in a man or woman and how you fit the bill.

TREAT HIM OR HER LIKE A PARTNER

Ask him or her out on dates and flirt with them. It will give them a hint that you are interested in more than just a friendship.

BE CHALLENGING

Keep him or her off balance. Be a challenge. Be unpredictable. Keep them guessing. There's a huge difference between wanting someone and needing them — he or she will react with a lot more affection if they know you like them out of want rather than need.

Great Reasons for not having DICK

1. You live surrounded by nuts.
2. You have a head with no brains.
3. You have one eye that can’t see.
4. Your best friend is a pussy.
5. An asshole lives behind you.
6. They make you do pushups until you throw-up.

Reading the Signs

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these KEY "SIGNS." Figuring out these moronic little indicators can save you a lot of time and effort.

1. Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman - No foreplay

3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - Prefers virgins

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - Is a virgin

5. Can't hail a cab - Impotent

6. Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive Don Quixote

7. Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho

9. Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow

10. Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow

11. Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm

12. Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but will not go "all the way"

13. Gives explicit orders to waiter - Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed

14. Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue

15. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't

16. Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position only

17. Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs

18. Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculation

19. Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come

20. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered - Will make you sleep on the wet spot

21. Changes mind after ordering - Will never call you

22. Changes tables - Nymphomaniac

23. Drinks Decaffeinated. - Fakes Orgasm (Female)

24. Orders in French - Fakes Orgasm (Male)

25. Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money

26. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty during sex

27. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a handjob

28. Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating b**ch

29. Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters

30. Credit card is refused - Low sperm count

31. Under tips waiter - Small pen*s

32. Under tips parking valet - Small pen*s

33. Under tips cabby - Small pen*s

34. Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything

35. Removable cassette player in car - Pulls out repeatedly during sex

36. Cellular phone in car - Penile implant

A List of Rules That Guys Wished Women Knew

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.

2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don't make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.

29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.

The "F" Word

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word 'fuck'. It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, 'fuck' falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).
It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word 'fuck'. Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations...

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."

Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"

Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."

Aggression "FUCK YOU!"

Disgust "Fuck me."

Confusion "What the fuck.......?"

Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"

Despair "Fucked again..."

Pleasure "I couldn't be fucking happier."

Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"

Lost "Where the fuck are we."

Disbelief "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"

Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"

Denial "I didn't fucking do it."

Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."

Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"

Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."

Directions "Fuck off."

Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."

It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."

It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"

It can be maternal- "Mother fucker."

It can be political- "Fuck Al Gore!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history...

"What the fuck was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
- Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun."
- John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
- Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
- Commander of Space Shuttle

"What fucking map?"
- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
- Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!"
- Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
- Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
- Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
- Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
- Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
- John F. Kennedy

Reasons Why the English Language is Hard to Learn

Reasons Why the English Language is Hard to Learn

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth is beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible? And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? English is a silly language — it doesn't know if it is coming or going.